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Tyler Perry posted a special message to his fans on his website yesterday which starts off like this:
Even though I have so much to be thankful for, this is still a very rough time of the year for me. As I’ve said before, most of you know why, but for those of you who don’t, I’ll tell you. My mother died two years ago around this time of year and she was the closest person on this planet to me. We spoke just about every day, I mean almost EVERY day. I couldn’t go two days without hearing her voice, hearing her laugh, or hearing her stories. She was the best! Ever since I was born we had such a bond. So needless to say, getting through these holidays that she loved so much is beyond difficult. So to get from Thanksgiving to December 8, which is the day she died in 2009, to Christmas, then to the New Years and to her Birthday, which was on February 12th, to Mother’s Day in May, can be rough. I simply try to float through this time of year the best way that I can. I think about her every day! She would have been 67 this year. ONLY 67. Life is so precious and but a moment. (read the entire message here)
I can definitely relate to how Tyler Perry is feeling right now. Like Tyler, my mother passed away during the holiday season as well – she transitioned from this life on December 30, 1990. Also like Tyler Perry’s mother, she was young – only 53 years old at the time.
She died in her sleep. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.
There is also another similarity between Tyler Perry and me: his mother’s birthday was in February, and my mother’s birthday was in January. So just like Tyler, while the holiday season is one of happiness and excitement for others, the time from December through January is very difficult for me. After all of these years, it still feels as if it just happened yesterday; and even though she has been gone for a while, I still think of her everyday. I still remember her voice, her smile, her sweet yet no-nonsense way of dealing with people. Yep, that was my Mom. I miss her.
Because I am now mother to my own children I try my best every year to fight through my feelings and get into the holiday spirit for their sake. I decorate (albeit late), I play Christmas music while in the car, buy presents, send greeting cards – the whole nine. However at the end of the day, my children know that I am doing it primarily for them and they are very supportive and do their best to help along with keeping my spirits up. I must say that they really are some great kids.
So Mr. Perry, if you ever read this I want you to know that you have someone out here that feels your pain. I want you to know that I speak from experience when I say that the difficulty of getting through the holiday season will always be the same—it does not ease or go away even after many years. However, as time has gone by I have learned to keep in mind that even though my mother is not here with me physically, her spirit is always with me–and during the holidays I must channel that and hold dear to it more than ever. When I do so, it gives me great peace and joy, and enables me to enjoy the season as best as I can.
For anyone who is like me or Tyler Perry who has lost someone very dear to you during the holidays, please keep the above in mind. I know it’s hard, but try not be saddened by the loss, but treasure their memory and be thankful for the time that you had with them. Embrace the season and reflect on the many wonderful moments that you shared with them—the times that you treasured most and gave you the most joy. Use those memories to help you get through the season in a positive way.
Remember: you loved one would not want you to be hurting during the holiday season– they would want you to be happy.