A Message to Tyler Perry: I Feel Your Pain of the Holiday Season


Tyler Perry posted a special message to his fans on his website yesterday which starts off like this:

Even though I have so much to be thankful for, this is still a very rough time of the year for me. As I’ve said before, most of you know why, but for those of you who don’t, I’ll tell you.  My mother died two years ago around this time of year and she was the closest person on this planet to me. We spoke just about every day, I mean almost EVERY day. I couldn’t go two days without hearing her voice, hearing her laugh, or hearing her stories. She was the best!  Ever since I was born we had such a bond. So needless to say, getting through these holidays that she loved so much is beyond difficult. So to get from Thanksgiving to December 8, which is the day she died in 2009, to Christmas, then to the New Years and to her Birthday, which was on February 12th, to Mother’s Day in May, can be rough. I simply try to float through this time of year the best way that I can. I think about her every day! She would have been 67 this year. ONLY 67. Life is so precious and but a moment. (read the entire message here)

I can definitely relate to how Tyler Perry is feeling right now. Like Tyler, my mother passed away during the holiday season as well – she transitioned from this life on December 30, 1990. Also like Tyler Perry’s mother, she was young – only 53 years old at the time.


She died in her sleep. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.



There is also another similarity between Tyler Perry and me: his mother’s birthday was in February, and my mother’s birthday was in January. So just like Tyler, while the holiday season is one of happiness and excitement for others, the time from December through January is very difficult for me. After all of these years, it still feels as if it just happened yesterday; and even though she has been gone for a while, I still think of her everyday. I still remember her voice, her smile, her sweet yet no-nonsense way of dealing with people. Yep, that was my Mom. I miss her.



Because I am now mother to my own children I try my best every year to fight through my feelings and get into the holiday spirit for their sake. I decorate (albeit late), I play Christmas music while in the car, buy presents, send greeting cards – the whole nine. However at the end of the day, my children know that I am doing it primarily for them and they are very supportive and do their best to help along with keeping my spirits up. I must say that they really are some great kids.


So Mr. Perry, if you ever read this I want you to know that you have someone out here that feels your pain. I want you to know that I speak from experience when I say that the difficulty of getting through the holiday season will always be the same—it does not ease or go away even after many years. However, as time has gone by I have learned to keep in mind that even though my mother is not here with me physically, her spirit is always with me–and during the holidays I must channel that and hold dear to it more than ever. When I do so, it gives me great peace and joy, and enables me to enjoy the season as best as I can.

For anyone who is like me or Tyler Perry who has lost someone very dear to you during the holidays, please keep the above in mind. I know it’s hard, but try not be saddened by the loss, but treasure their memory and be thankful for the time that you had with them. Embrace the season and reflect on the many wonderful moments that you shared with them—the times that you treasured most and gave you the most joy. Use those memories to help you get through the season in a positive way.


 Remember: you loved one would not want you to be hurting during the holiday season– they would want you to be happy.


  • Makeba, I too lost a parent in the midst of the holidays, so I empathize fully with both you and Tyler. Plus, my dad’s birthday (and mine) are around Christmas, so that adds to the challenge of being joyful at this time of year. God is faithful, however, and my family has learned to celebrate in the midst of very fond memories of my dad.
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    • MELISASource

      Greetings Alison! Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts on this post. Sometimes you feel like you’re the only person experiencing what you are going through. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this holiday season, as I know how the emotions can resurface–especially when the loss was also during the season. I am glad that your family has grown to celebrate the treasured memories. Many {Hugs} to you!

  • What a beautiful post that is right on! I’m so glad that I read it today. It means a lot to me on my own personal level and loss of loved ones. A great reminder that they are in a much better place and do want us to cherish the happy times as well as share some love as you did in this post!
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    • MELISASource

      Greetings: I am so glad to know that this post was comforting to you. My sincere hope is that provides peace to you–especially during this holiday season. ~Thank you so much for commenting! 🙂

  • Powerful post, Makeba! 🙂

    Like you, Tyler, and some of your commentors, I loss my mother a year ago. Albeit, it wasn’t during the holidays, but the pain of her not being here during the holiday season is nonetheless fresh and ever present. I have often written about how I handled her passing, and the type of relationship we had; thankfully before she passed away I was able to mend those feelings with her. I miss her and the conversations we had daily as well.

    One of the things that helps me is in knowing that although she isn’t here physically, her spirit and love is constantly reassured within my heart. I also see a lot of her in myself. That also lets me know that she is with me daily. I know that where I am in my life, she would be very much proud of me; as I also know that your mother and Tyler’s are in each of you as well.

    Losing a parent is one of the hardest things we have to endure in this life. I wouldn’t wish this type of pain on anyone, and whenever I hear someone has lost their parent; my heart feels the sting of it. I’m then reminded of that Thursday night on September the 30, 2010; when my life changed forever.

    Thank you for sharing such a moving post, my friend. I cannot express to you how much I enjoyed this read and your positive approach to something I know was very hard to do.

    Be encouraged, my dear friend. To those that have endured this type of loss, I’ll say this, “Weeping endures but for only a night, but know that JOY arises in the morning… it might seem far off, but morning does come to us all.” Thank God for the mornings! 🙂
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    • MELISASource

      Greetings: Thank you for sharing your experiences here with me Deeone! I am so glad that you were able to mend the relationship with her before she transitioned. There is no greater bond than between a mother and child, and I have always believed that no matter how distant or broken, that is one of the only types of relationships on this earth that can ALWAYS be mended back together again! I am glad that you were able to do just that.

      What you said is so true: losing a parent is one of the most difficult things that can happen in someone’s life besides losing a child. Like you, there are so many things about my mother that I see in myself ( In many ways, I act just like her!) and I definitely see a reflection of her when I look in the mirror–these are the things that comfort me as the years go on; the only thing is that because of when she passed, the holiday season is one where I have to try harder to channel those things. Just like you said, I have to keep that spirit of JOY in mind and hold on to it with all of my might during this time of year.

      Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement and support–the really mean a lot to me! ~I appreciate you commenting! 🙂

  • I am sorry the holidays are hard for you but you have the right attitude. You know your mom would not want you to be sad, in fact I’m pretty sure she would love to look down and see a big smile on your face.

    BTW. I love Tyler Perry to pieces!
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    • MELISASource


      I truly appreciate your kind words of encouragement–they mean so very much to me! I love Tyler Perry to pieces as well: he is such a huge inspiration! ~Thank you so much for commenting! 🙂

  • Hi Girl,

    You know I have been busy and i am just taking the time today and read through blogs. Girl, you are a strong woman. This post almost brought tears to my eyes, because I can’t even begin to imagine losing a parent aroung the holiday. My husband lost his father last new year’s eve. I know this is going to be a tough yrear for him, but i am going to have him read this post, to let him know he can make it through. As always I am proud of you and I know your mom is looking down smiling. Thank you so much for continuing to inspire me.

    • MELISASource

      Greetings: I am so sorry about the loss of your Father-in-law. I hope that this post can be of some comfort to you and your family. I appreciate your kind words, support and encouragement–it means more to me than you’ll ever know! ~Thank you so much for commenting! 🙂

  • Debbie

    I feel your pain hun and pray that God continues to strengthen and keep you during your darkest hours. Despite it all you are still a pillar of strength and source of inspiration to others including yours truly.

    Be blessed♥♥

    • MELISASource

      Greetings: Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement–they mean so much to me!! ~I truly appreciate you commenting! 🙂

  • melistar

    wow Melisa, I admire the strength it must take to put on a happy face during the holiday season for your children and the rest of your family. Stay strong.

    • MELISASource

      Greetings: Thank you so much for your kind words–I really appreciate it! ~Thank you so much for commenting! 🙂