My Personal Experience With Depression #DayOfLight


When I was initially asked by the ladies of Pushing Lovely to participate intoday’s #DayOfLight, I thought that it would be easy for me. I have written about depression here on the blog several times before.


But this time, it is much different. I realized that this week marks exactly 1 year since the passing of my 19 year-old niece. She was depressed about her life, and committed suicide as a result.

Experience With Depression

Two weeks later, her father—my nephew—also committed suicide. He was depressed about his firstborn daughter’s death.

Experience With Depression

I remember the first encounter with my nephew after my niece’s passing. Instantly I could sense that he was not himself. I felt it—I could feel that something was not right within his spirit. I looked into his eyes, and although he was smiling and greeting everyone who gave their condolences, I saw something that was scary. I saw the mask that he was wearing to hide his undeniable pain. At our touch, I felt shivers that something was looming.

Experience With Depression

I shared my concerns with my Husband. After my niece’s funeral, everyone in the family tried to reach out to him, but it was too late. He’d already become despondent. The next thing we knew, he was gone.

Experience With Depression

From here, I could load this post with all sorts of facts and figures about depression, but I’ve talked about all of that stuff before. Right now, in this moment as tears fall down my face, none of that comes close to what I want to say.

Experience With Depression

What I would like to say on this #DayOfLight 2014 is that it hurts. It hurts to be experience depression. It hurts to be unable to shake the feeling that there’s no other option for resolve of life’s problems and pains. It hurts even more to lose not just one, but two people you love dearly to depression. It hurts to remember that they are no longer here.

Experience With Depression

And so… I blog on this #DayOfLight in memory of my niece Jasmine and my nephew Calvin on the one-year anniversary of their passing.

Experience With Depression 

I love you.

I miss you.

I understand.

Experience With Depression

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, I strongly encourage you to please seek help. Here are some professional resources:


National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)


American Foundation for Suicide Prevention 


American Psychiatric Association


American Psychological Association


Center for Mental Health Services


National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)

Experience With Depression

For someone to talk to immediately, call:

Suicide Prevention Hotline —  1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Treatment Referral Line — 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

Experience With Depression